January 22nd, 2015

I am sitting here wondering what sorts of ideas to write about. I smell a whiff of something distasteful here. I might call it repetition. Or, if I am being positive about the situation I have put myself in, a theme. The theme of my journal entries seems to be, “How does Caleb deal with the ideas in his head?”

I suppose if every time I sit down to write, there is this theme sitting on the keys smiling like a kid asking silently to be picked up, then maybe I should get it over with and carry it forward. Or, I could go for breaking this broken record I started playing. Either way, I will end up somewhere existential, I think.

But for the time being, I think I will ignore the most gnawing question: what is the point of finding ideas, stealing them, and producing them into content?

So, I will stick with a less intellectual question, but perhaps a more thoroughly rigorous one: why in the beginning of this year was I so set on wearing something different every day, but have now found myself wearing the same pair of pants for every day of the past month?

It’s an honest question (insert here the meaningless and vapid clause “to be sure,” set off by commas), to be sure, and if pursued to the roots might lead to an equally existential place as my skepticism of a personal idea economy. I think to get out of the angst I might feel, which to the wise world looks like ingratitude, I need to actually realize that nothing is meaningless if meaning is the thing imputed onto everything I encounter. Some good old perichoresis of nature. God indwells ideas. And whether you agree or not, it logically follows that if my purpose is to live in unbroken harmony with God, part of that harmony is to engage with the things he indwells and sustains around me. That is not to say I should mistake the bridge for the other side, but living in harmony with this world is to live in harmony with God (recognizing that neither one comes first). So if my purpose is to live in harmony with God, if pursuing my purpose is the thing that will fulfill me, then I will be fulfilled by taking pleasure in ideas and questions, because these things matter due to God’s indwelling of them.

But anyway, my pants. It’s a funny thing. I think I wear them every day because they are the most comfortable.

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