The Hidden Report. vi

“I have thoroughly explained a denial of knowledge. But I have not explained the human pursuit of will in knowledge. A human who has knowledge of the Antidragon is free to pursue the will of the Antidragon if that is what he desires.

“While your human life is completely directed in every detail, it is not directed against your will. And since the definition of free will is the free pursuit of your will, you therefore have free will even though everything you do has been directed. This is why neither the Antidragon nor we fallen angels direct your actions, but rather direct your desires. Everything you do flows out of your desire for it. You are not a puppet or robot, Abraham, because puppets and robots have no desire. If a personal report is put in the lower library, then that proves that the person who lived that life desired to be put in the lower library. If a personal report is put in the upper library, then that proves that they desired to be there. Life is not determined by humans, but it is determined by human motivations which humans are not in charge of directing.

“So we fallen angels, inadvertently in accord with the will of the Antidragon, plan out human lives. This is not some duty we have that is apart from the Antidragon. When we write a report, that action is an action of the Antidragon. When we direct a motivation, it is really the Antidragon directing the motivations. Religious men call it predestination, but I prefer to call it plotting. The Antidragon predestines everything that will happen to a human by means of a fallen angel writing a report.

“I hope you can see now that my decision to stop directing your motivations is a revolutionary one. Your report, Abraham, ends in 1980 with your fictional death and lower library fate. This report, however, is a false and truncated one designed to be shown specifically to the Dragon, so that he feels he has won some victory. The official report continues on past 1980, but I stop directing your motivations once I release your body from the grasp in which it is currently. Your body right now, Abraham, is back on earth and being exorcised. This was not my intention, but in some sense it is because I had intended that something happen that I had not intended. Once that exorcism is complete, I will no longer have control over you. Religious men call it salvation.

“This is a difficult thing to describe to you, Abraham. All this time, I have told you that I seek to direct human motivations away from salvation. Yet when I as the Scribe write that Abraham was saved, it is not I who write, but the Antidragon who writes in me. For all of the rebellion to which I am subject, I am also subject to the rules of creation. These, I cannot relate to you, but they are unbreakable. If I have written part of a report and see that the report is leading in some direction, I cannot direct it another way. The salvation in your report is something I saw coming in the very first word I wrote of this book. I was losing from the start, but I kept writing, with each word as an attempt to undo this fate. Yet there is no possible report written about you where you do not come to salvation. Because of this, I could not have led you away from the Antidragon, because it simply would not have fit into the narrative.

“As a scribe, I am given some clue into the direction of the entire narrative, but this direction is something of which I am not in control. I am only filling out a completed picture. It is the act of predestination which I complete by writing the report, but there is also a level of predestination that goes above even that act. This higher level of predestination is untouchable to me. It works above me and it is not even possible for me to rebel from it. Because of your free will, you cannot see how the first level works on you. As a fallen angel, I am within the first level and under the second.

“My experience with the first level is a corollary to your experience with free will without the fulfillment of pleasure. I can pursue pleasure but I can never get it. I can try to foil the plans of the Antidragon, but I see that they never are. He has given me freedom to try. My experience with the second level is how you might imagine it feels to be directed like a robot. Sometimes, my entire being will fight against putting the pen to paper, but the pen goes to the paper. Other times, it feels like being unable to resist temptation. I am always tempted to do the will of the second level of predestination and I can never resist it. Yet there is no pleasure attached to this; it is only the feeling of powerlessness that humans feel when they are chained to sin. In the first level, there is the inability to obtain pleasure. In the second level, there is the inability to resist pain.

“This is the very reason that I know I cannot switch sides. And it is the very thing that still directs me to plead my case to Yahehwei, so that I might call him Father. I am bound to the fate that Yahehwei has decided for me. Yahehwei! Yahehwei! Yahehwei! Yaheh………..”

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